ZOO'S TOP 10 PICK-UP TIPS
1 Be Yourself Of course, when we say “yourself”, we do not actually mean you. What we mean is the self you would like to be, rather than the pizza-eating chain-smoking porn addict you probably are. Ghandi said you have to be the change you want to see in the world, and he wore nappies and still got laid. So before you go out and fabricate a new personality in order to pick up, do a bit of maintenance on the one you’ve got.
2 Have options It’s been said that women are like busses – there’ll always be another one along. And this is true. It’s also true that they often don’t stop for you, some of them are full already, and you sometimes you have to give money to a surly, hairy man before you’re allowed to get on one.
Point is though, if you’re out to pick up, don’t get attached to the first girl who smiles at you and pulls up to the kerb. Keep your options open, and make her do some of the work.
3 Bring a posse And make sure it’s not a sausage-fest. If you’re out with a big group of guys and girls, it’s much easier to make contact with lonely strangers, and “come over and join us” is much less threatening than “wanna see my basement?” If she turns out to be pants-on-head crazy, you can palm her off onto someone less picky.
4 Give some attitude This isn’t to say you should go around pouring drinks on people and insulting their dead relatives, but you don’t want to go too far the other way either. If you spend two hours buying tequila sunsets and repeatedly telling some girl how pretty she is, you’re going to look like you’ve got the personality of a cashed-up, alcoholic doormat.
5 Let her in
We’re not talking about telling all your secrets here, or showing her your collection of in-box action figures. But possibly there’s an awesome place you know about? A funky late-night café or a hidden beach? If you offer to take her there (and follow through on it) you’ll be showing her something new and personal, and it’ll bring her closer to you.
6 Smile and laugh a lotNot only is laughter the best medicine, it’s also a hell of an aphrodisiac, and great for recreational use. Don’t worry if you’re not the world’s funniest guy – we’re not asking you to do a comedy routine here. Enjoyment is infectious, so if you look like you’re having fun, you become more attractive.
7 Make failure an option Girls (and guys) are raised to believe that dating (and its slutty sister, the pick-up) is meant to be a perfect, effortless process that begins with a glance and a smile, and ends in either marriage or mutual orgasm. But life doesn’t work like that. Occasionally things are going to be awkward, embarrassing or outright painful. So keep some perspective and a sense of humour, and don’t let small failures bring you down.
8 Hit on her friend This is kind of like centrifugal force, or anti-depressants. We know that it works, but we don’t know why. It defies logic that you hitting on a girl’s friend is hotter than you hitting on the girl herself, but for some reason, that’s how it goes. If you work it out, please let us know.
9 Keep a schedule Once you’ve hooked up once or twice, there are a couple of different ways things can go. If things look like they’re good in a serious way, and you’re okay with this, dive in. By all means, don’t let us stop you from saddling yourself with a girlfriend. What could possibly go wrong?
But if that’s not your bag, you’re going to have to get a bit organised and set some rules to keep things casual. Good rules of thumb include the once-a-month-rule (only see each other once a month) and the three times rule (once you’ve hooked up three times, find someone else to play with for a little while).
10 Change it up If you’ve managed to pick her up and take her home, don’t take her back to the same boring bar where you found her. This smacks of routine, and she’ll think you just hang out at this place waiting for women to come along.
So go eat in a park, go to the beach, a football game, a restaurant – whatever takes your fancy. If there’s something new around each corner, it’ll keep her interested for longer. Just space them out so she doesn’t feel like you’re dating in a kaleidoscope.
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