G’day, Adam. Grown Ups is a bit of an all-star cast. There’s you, Chris Rock, Kevin James, David Spade and Rob Schneider — so, who was funniest on set?
Everybody’s got their own thing. Spade is incredibly funny — he drops the most destructive bombs on you. He’s quick as hell. KJ [James] has different ways of being incredibly funny in conversation — when KJ texts me, I laugh like a buffoon for five minutes… Really? Please tell us you don’t answer a funny text with “LOL”...
No, I don’t write “LOL” back to him, because I’m a comedian and I think other comedians would go, “Are you f**king kidding me? LOL?” So, I just write, “Good one!” Wow. Killer comeback, Adam...
And Chris is one of the funniest guys I’ve ever seen — his way of summing something up and having a different slant on it. You’re like, “That’s amazingly accurate and I can’t believe he said that out loud. I never even thought of it that way.” His comedy is just genius. Did you write the movie with all these blokes in mind?
Yes, I did. The whole idea was about putting together old friends that get to hang out for a weekend. And these guys are my old friends, so it made total sense. I’m glad they said yes to it. With all the spoiled kids in the movie, is this your way to exorcise the fear that you’re inevitably raising elitist Beverly Hills brats yourself?
I go to sleep thinking about the idea of my kids being spoiled, and I wake up thinking about it. I’m trying to do the right thing, but with the all the money I have, it’s difficult to raise children the way I was raised. So... I just took away the west and north wing of the house. The kids are not allowed in there now. Man, that’s harsh! Tough dad.
One thing I do know about being a parent, you understand why your father was in a bad mood a lot. Are you driven as a comic?
I know I want to always do the best I can. I was never like that as a kid, and I certainly wasn’t the best at school. But this comedy thing, and making movies and stuff, I love it so much that I do get driven to push myself as hard as I can. How much ad-libbing and improv comedy went on during filming?
There was a lot of ad-libbing and a lot of jokes. I wasn’t shocked by anybody, but everybody who watches the movie loves Spade — and I think they’re used to the rest of us doing good work and not used to David doing anything good. We’re sure he’d be delighted to hear that opinion of his career. Any funny stuff get cut that will be the DVD?
I’m sure there’ll be a lot of stuff on the DVD that we babbled about. But it ain’t that funny, if it ain’t in the movie. You cast Salma Hayek as your missus. Bit of wishful thinking, eh?
The two of us talked about doing a movie together for a long time, and this time Salma was available. She almost was in You Don’t Mess With The Zohan and a bunch of other movies, but they didn’t time-out right. But yeah, it was fun being married to Salma… in the movie. She’s a great girl.
Talking of great girls, you got to fondle Jessica Biel’s boobs in I Now Pronounce You Chuck And Larry. How many takes did that shot take, and were they all necessary?
Well, I was good on take one. But then, all of a sudden, she was like, “More…. please, more!” and I was like, you know, “Jessica, we’ve got a schedule to keep to make our day.” But she was like, “Five more, five more takes, please, Adam…” Does your real missus get jealous?
She cheers me on! She screams, “That’s what he does to me!” over and over. From memory, in Zohan, you had some disturbing encounters with an old woman in that flick…
One scene I was shooting that got me the most nervous and the most nauseous was the whipped cream being licked off my nipples. The nice old lady said, “I have to do what?” She didn’t read the script, apparently. Also, it wasn’t one take, it was like four takes, and it actually tickled. I think I blew the first take. You blew? You came in your pants?
No! I thought, “Just get through this so the nice old lady can go home.” Then she’s licking away, and in my head I think, “My wife has done this before. It feels similar and I hope I don’t have a similar physical reaction to it...” Ha ha! So I started giggling nervously, and the old lady was like, “What? What happened?” Then “Cut!” and we had to go a few more. That was a rough day. We see a lot of your arse in your movies, Adam. Do you have any particular gluteal-clenching routines in order to stay so taut-buttocked that you’d care to share?
That’s a tough one. The ass muscle is different — it has its own mind. There was a lot of keeping it tight. My wife has huge fingers, so she’d place them in my crack and say, “Squeeze firmly and walk around the room.” I’d do that for about an hour and 40 minutes a day. Nice. Do you foresee a time when you’ll go full-frontal in a flick?
Maybe. If I can guarantee I work up enough of... Look, there are certain times of the day you don’t want to see it. If I can monitor my body and know the exact time to shoot when it’s looking the plumpest… Okay, let’s leave it there. Were you hopeless with chicks in real-life?
No, no! But when I was a kid, my parents wanted me to marry a nice Jewish girl. Troubles with your family, then?
No, nothing big. I’ve always had troubles with my family but that’s just because I’m psychotic! But now I have a Jewish wife and a Jewish kid, they seem happy. What about your new upcoming flick, Jack and Jill? Does the plot involve you traversing steep terrain in search of liquid sustenance?
I play myself and I play my twin sister. The male version of me is doing okay — he’s got a family out in LA. But the twin sister of me is in the Bronx and comes out to LA, and then refuses to leave, wrecking her brother’s entire family life. Did your kids freak out seeing you done up as a woman?
No, actually. There’s a mocked-up picture that was made of me as Jill in my house, and my daughter, Sadie, loves it! Can you talk about Born To Be A Star, your new flick about a kid who aspires to become a porno actor? You wrote the script, but you’re not in it — not well-endowed enough for a porn star, we’re guessing?
No, but I enjoyed writing it. It’s my idea, but I’m about 15 years too old for it, so we wrote the movie for [comedian] Nick Swardson. I think he is a funny kid. Porn must be a different kind of creative satisfaction for you?
It’s the same stuff. I like sitting and writing with my buddies. That movie was great because I helped write it with Allen Covert and Nick. Then, they went and shot it, and I had nothing to do with that. I just got to watch it and laugh — that’s actually nice for a change, you know? Grown Ups is outnow in cinemas
Grown Ups Trailer
What did you think of Grown Ups? Leave your comments below.
JESSE JANE AND TARRA WHITE INTERVIEWIN THE ZOO WITH... JIM JEFFERIES5 MINUTES WITH... BIRDS OF TOKYOBABE OF THE DAY: JESSE JANEIN THE ZOO WITH... BILL BAILEY5 MINUTES WITH... CHRIS SHIFLETTZOO CHATS WITH JENSON BUTTONIN THE ZOO WITH... ADRIEN BRODYIN THE ZOO WITH... WIL ANDERSONRACHAEL NEIBERDING