You’re a funny Aussie bloke, Jim, but you’ve based yourself in the UK — do you think Australians lack a sense of humour?
No. They just lack the misery of life in the UK where you need to be able to laugh at everything. I’m kidding — it’s not that bad living in England. But bad weather does bring people into comedy clubs.

You shot a HBO special in 2009. How does it feel to be on the same network as homoerotic classics like Oz and Angels in America?
I’m not sure — I don’t have HBO myself. Is it a gay network? F**k it, I’m from Sydney, so it doesn’t bother me in the slightest. Give me those pink dollars!

The Scotsman newspaper described you as “better than Jesus”. How so?
I’m not better then Jesus. I’m more plausible, but not better.

What about Q Magazine? They called you “Britain’s most offensive comic”, even though you’re an Aussie.
Umm… it depends what you’re offended by. I don’t think I’m offensive. But I do like the label — it sells tickets. It’s also nice to upset people so easily. It’s a power trip.

As a comedian, are you ever bitchy about other comics?
No. Comics are bitchy for the most part, and to be honest, I have partaken in the bitching myself. But not for a long time now. I don’t give a shit who is funny and who is not, but I have been on the end of some bitching myself and it’s not nice, so now I just keep my mouth shut.

You’ve got a sitcom in the works.
In the pilot, your mate’s future wife insists you go to confession in order to be his best man.

Is this based on personal experience?
Well, yes, actually. I had a best mate who I don’t see anymore because his wife was religious and hated me. But that’s life, isn’t it? He works in computers now. It’s weird — I have been doing this job for so long I just talk to everyone like I do to the other comics in the dressing room — and it can get brutal. I’m not surprised she thought I was such a c**t.

You’ve been quoted as saying “midgets aren’t magical, they’re just freakish little people”. This flies in the face of everything we believe, Jim — plus, it’d be a shame to find we’ve been grinding their bones into our coffee for nothing.
When did I say that? I’m not saying I didn’t, I just can’t remember saying it. It sounds about right, but midgets technically aren’t dwarfs, remember.

So are dwarfs magical, Jim?
[Silence]

Er, moving on… You trained as an opera singer before turning to stand-up. Is comedy more or less likely to get you laid than opera?
Well, I still have a lot of friends in the opera, but to answer your question, no, they don’t get laid anywhere near as much as a comic does. But they also don’t seem to be anywhere near as insecure, either. I’m sure they don’t cry themselves to sleep like comics do. But I think I still prefer the women liking me…

Do you crack jokes from your diaphragm?
No. I didn’t sing like that, either. I guess that’s why I had to stop singing.

What do you think of the recent outbreak of classical boybands?
You know, all these swarthy hunks in matching Armani doing fruity renditions of Nessun Dorma?

Really, is there a non-fruity rendition of Nessun Dorma?
Actually, can you stop asking me questions about the opera singing? I’m looking more and more like a fruit every second…  

Fair enough. Comics are renowned for hitting the booze and drugs hard, but there’s plenty out there who’ve gone sober. Can you ever see yourself joining the AA A-list?
I would say I have a drinking problem. But I only drink at work — I never drink at home. But I do work five nights a week, sooooo… y’know. Many comics now don’t drink at all and never have. What do they do? How do they have fun or meet women? It baffles me every day...

You once got punched in the head by a punter at a comedy club, and something like 12 million people have watched in on YouTube — was it something you said?
No, it was just a drunk guy getting upset because his date hated me. But I’ve done 2000 shows and only been punched once… so, that’s not bad. But I do think it will happen again.

You went to St Ives High School on Sydney’s North Shore, so how come you sound like such a bogan?
St Ives High was just a public school, really, it was. But I don’t sound like a bogan, do I? I thought I sounded a little Pommy now. Maybe I slap it on a bit for the foreign crowds...

You spell your name differently when in the UK to the US. What happened — did you lose a vowel crossing the international date line or something?
Nah, that’s just an Actors Union thing. There was already a Jim Jefferies in the USA, so I had to change it. It’s all a bit bullshit, really.

You’ve had penis cancer, and you’ve described it as “over-rated”. So what cancer lives up to its billing?
The ones that kill ya.

You’ve recently moved from England to America. What was behind the move, and which country is more receptive to humour?
I did the HBO thing because I thought it was time to give the US a go. No other Australian comic has ever done a USA special. I gotta see how far I can take this thing. But I’m still quite big in the UK and I think they are my favourite crowds. They’re tough and savvy.

We can’t work out what your name reminds us of: Jim Jeffries sounds like either a serial killer, a doomsday cult leader or a Baptist minister — can you see yourself in any of these professions?
Hmm, I’d be a shit serial killer. I just don’t clean things very well. I’d leave cum everywhere, so I’d be so easy to find. I’d be a great cult leader, though — I can talk bullshit for hours. And a Baptist minister? That’s just a cult leader again.

If a fellow stand-up dies onstage, what’s the protocol backstage? Do you tell them they killed it and slap them on the back, or do you avert eye contact, mumble something and then return to your warm-up scales?
Oh, I hate that moment. I never tell them that they did shit — they already know themselves. Instead, I always say, “How did you find the show?”, and if they then go, “It went great!” I think they’re just dumb arseholes.

What’s scarier, Jim — doing live stand-up or robbing a bank?
Robbing a bank, hands down… or maybe it’s not. I’m not sure.

If we were to ask a psychologist to give you a psych profile, apart from the words “narcissistic and egomaniacal”, how else would they describe you?
Intelligent, handsome, sexy and... delusional.

For tour dates, check out www.jimjefferies.ning.com

Related stories:
SEE KRYSTAL'S FIRST EVER ZOO SHOOT 
IN THE ZOO WITH... WIL ANDERSON 
IN THE ZOO WITH... BON JOVI 
IN THE ZOO WITH... HEATH FRANKLIN 
IN THE ZOO WITH... BILL BAILEY 
IN THE ZOO WITH... MEL GIBSON
IN THE ZOO WITH... SHORT STACK
ZOO FAREWELLS SUMMER
IN THE ZOO WITH... JASON BYRNE 
Score a trip to Paris! Visit Your Beauty Spot to win this awesome prize!