HOW TO ESCAPE A MENTAL HOSPITALIf you’ve seen the hair-raising thriller
Shutter Island, you’d know a mental hospital is the last place on earth you’d want to be – er, make it second to Kyle Sandiland’s bed.
Shutter Island made us think – how the hell do people escape those mental places (especially if there isn’t a huge hurricane to assist you abscond)? Well, we actually came across a site that gives tips on how to
escape a loony bin that is written by a mental hospital nurse! Ah, the net is has everything. Below are some classic escape techniques
she recommends to avoid. Ya never know, you may need this one day...
1.
Exit – stage left. As much as fleeing to the nearest exit door sounds as tempting as using a midget to rest your fatigued arm, it’s probably not the best idea. Mental hospitals are like Big Brother houses for loonies so, there’s always someone watching and nothing is more noticeable than hurried footsteps thundering in a corridor.
She says: Few things attract attention more than the sight of a quickly running person. Really it attracts the eye. I am quite certain there is a group of clients on every unit in the land that enjoy nothing more than telling staff someone is doing a runner. 
2. Walk Calmly to freedom Instead of sprinting towards the exit, she recommends walking casually as you could be mistakenly taken for a guest and not an inpatient. Yes, this actually can work.
She says: If the person on corridor watch has a very bad hangover and has come back from a few days off you might just get away with it. I remember a client who used to wander the hospital claiming he was a psychiatrist and offering therapy to the others. Many of his ‘patients’ spoke very highly of him.
3.
“Geronimo” Being couped up in a white-walled box for endless weeks can make people more mental so, it’s no surprise why some literally jump at the chance to escape by smashing windows or jumping through them. Unfortunately, these attempts fail because the windows are shatter proof and inpatients tend to be escorted back to their white-walled box with throbbing head in tow.
She says: Even if the glass was not toughened it breaks very badly. Shards everywhere. Jumping out is not a good idea.
4.
Hey, how you doin’?
One way to get your ticket to freedom is to be nice to the staff – men, too, depending how desperate you are. According to this mental nurse, staff can be more lenient towards inpatients that voluntarily tell them their whereabouts (and how many personalities they’ve got going on at one time) so be nice to the keepers, and they’ll be nice in return.
She says: Almost everything you do in a ward environment can potentially be seen a grist for the psychiatric assessment process. Listening to your Walkman (Drowning out the voices?), Going to the toilet a lot (Shooting up?), Off your rubbish hospital food (low mood?), Idly staring into space (Visual hallucinations), Scratching yourself (Covered in bugs?) or even Asking to leave (Wants to get picked up by the Mother Ship?) Nurses normally just like to know where people are. Used to be many people in psych wards could pretty much wander in and out just telling staff an outline of their plans. Half the time they did not bother telling us. 
Well, there you have it. If you ever get locked up in a mental hospital, make sure to remember this – er, if you can remember who you are, that is.
Enter the Shutter Island Competition to win in a DVD prize pack!
More sweet stuff: