ZOO Weekly


23 May 2011
0 stars

Use the same skills to bag more cash and a more awesome job title


From this: Fast food worker, $37,000
To this: Hotel waiter, $50,000 (plus tips)
Nicer working conditions (well, there’s carpets), tips to reward your Colgate customer service smile and you won’t come home smelling of spittle and cheeseburgers.

From this: Unemployed, $12,300 (in allowances)
To this: Video game tester, up to $70,000
You spend all day chilling out the couch, eating Doritos and playing video games. Now spend all day chilling on a couch, eating Doritos, playing video games and get paid for it.

From this: Domestic electrician, $47,000 a year
To this: Lighting technician on film set, $70,000
Why replace plugs for old ladies when you could be rigging on major movie sets and seeing your name up in lights as the credits roll?

From this: Shop retail management, $50,000
To this: Advertising executive, $80,000
There are creatures feeding on the bottom of ponds afforded more respect than retail staff. So flex those persuasive sales muscles where you’re appreciated.

From this: IT consultant, $62,000
To this: Spook, $86,000
Work for the Australian intelligence services, providing technical back-up to spies, travelling overseas and occasionally shooting enemies with umbrella-gun darts.

From this: Cabbie, $44,000
To this: Personal chauffeur, $100,000|
Mopping up vomit and dealing with drunks on a Friday night isn’t part of your new job description. Driving a stretch limo and wearing a Don Draper-style suit is.

From this: Labourer, $50,000
To this: Trades Assistant in a mine (WA), $100,000
Low overheads and living costs in the Outback means it’s dead easy to save a large chunk of money in a short space of time.

From this: Soldier (Captain Infantry Officer), $74,000
To this: Private security, $150,000 +
Celebs, politicians and minted businesspeople are willing to pay big bucks for personal bodyguards with military training, and there’s less Taliban bullets to dodge.

From this: Real estate agent, $73,000
To this: Property developer, $200,000
Right now, your housing market knowledge is being wasted on other people. Turn the tables and start buying and selling for yourself — soon you’ll give Trump a run for his money.

From this: Public relations, $78,000
To this: Actor, unlimited $$$
PR is five per cent charm, 95 per cent pretending the product you’re peddling is the best invention since X-ray specs. Put that theatrical prowess to the test on the big screen for bigger rewards.

For more info on how to change any career, check out www.groper.com.au


The boss is the enemy. Salary is the disputed territory. Time to put Operation “Show Me The Money” into action

Step 1: Reconnaissance

There’s no point demanding $200k and your own personal masseuse if the going rate for your role is $50k and your own personal stapler. Spend a few hours on the net gathering vital intelligence, getting a clear idea of the average pay for your sector, age, location and experience. Visit a site such as www.careerone.com.au or www.seek.com.au and load up with an arsenal of stats to give you an edge.

Step 2: Plan your raid

Storming into the boss’s office commando style and demanding an instant pay showdown smacks of amateur tactics. Remember the saying about keeping your friends close and your enemies even closer? Lull your foe into a false sense of security by politely requesting a meeting, at his earliest convenience, to discuss your “future pay options”. You’ve now shown yourself as strong opponent not to be taken lightly.

Step 3: Last-minute training

Before your pay-rise chat, practise your battle moves. You’ll need to construct a compelling argument as to why your regiment can’t survive without you. Include any training or qualifications you’ve notched up recently, as well as your key achievements over the last 12 months. The more actual evidence you can provide — sales increases, improved profits, better productivity, less innocent civilian targets needlessly blown-up — the better your chances of victory will be come mission time.

Step 4: Attack!

You’ve rehearsed your manouevres, and the big day is here. (Note: it’s not actually necessary to smear your face in war paint for this bit but suitable attire for the occasion is advised). Once you’ve delivered your verbal sortee face-to-face, clearly mark out your territory, confidently stating how much of a raise you’re seeking, and using your research reconnaissance as a bargaining chip. Keep emotions out of it and stick to the facts. Stress you’re not holding a gun to his head and don’t need an instant reply. Schedule another meeting to talk further.

Step 5: Work out Plan B

The wily soldier knows there’s more than one way to skin an insurgent. There’s a chance the big boss will only agree to part of your demands. If you ask for ten grand and he offers five, have a contingency plan ready. Discuss other ways to improve your performance and become a superior work warrior. Or bargain for a better deal within your current constraints — perhaps time off to study, internal training or one day a week working from home. The ultimate mission goal is to get something positive.  

Please login or register to post a comment.

Also on Ninemsn