There comes a time in every young man’s life when he has to choose: Does he keep chasing tail forever, growing older, fatter and balder and eventually dying bitter and alone? Or does he take the plunge, fork out his hard-earned for a ring, and lock down that girl who he suspects might be “the one”? If the latter seems more appealing to you, that’s all well and good, but snaring the lady of your dreams might not be as easy as you think. While it may seem that most girls who put up with your crap for an extended period of time are “sure things”, just hanging around for the day when you finally pop the question, if you haven’t proved to her that you’re not a total deadbeat by the time said question does get popped, don’t be surprised if she runs for the hills. If you want to avoid such a scenario, follow ZOO’s simple guide to becoming the kind of bloke any girl would want to marry…
Do talk about having kids one day.
In a way, women are like robots. They’re programmed to find a husband and once that’s done, their next objective is kids. If you want her to stick around, let it be known you’re keen on siring a few rug rats.
Don’t be an idiot with money. Regardless of how much you earn, show her you can be responsible with cash. Hitting up the casino and putting your life’s savings “on red” is a strict no-no.
Do have goals.
And we’re not talking about fulfilling your life dream of rushing the field naked at the AFL Grand Final. Show her you’ve got career goals, life goals and goals like wanting to eventually own a house.
Don’t fight with her brother. He may seem like an overprotective dick, but he’s just looking out for little sis. Try your best to get along with him and the rest of her family. If they don’t like you, chances are your arse is headed for the curb.
Do be there for her.
Don’t expect every encounter with her to end in sex. If she’s had a shit day and wants nothing more than for you to listen to her bitch about her workmates and pass her the comfort chocolate, do it.
Don’t freak out around kids. They may seem like tiny, unpredictable alien shit-machines, but show her you’ll happily hold her niece without passing her on like she’s a hot potato with swine flu and you’ll be headed up the aisle.
Do learn some basic handyman stuff.
Can’t change a tire, stop a shower from leaking or unclog a toilet? You better learn fast. It may seem archaic but women still want husbands who can fix things.
Don’t be selfish in bed.
If all goes according to plan, you’re gonna be each other’s final and only shag, so proving to her that you’re not a dud between the sheets is of paramount importance.
