Hey Slash, are you comfortable with the fact that whenever an Australian male urinates, your face springs to mind?
Ha ha! Well, I was born in England, so it’s the same term over there that it is here, and my dad has been taking the piss out of me about it ever since.

Literally. It is true you ran into an Aussie fan the other day at a public toilet, and he said to you, “Wow, I’m having a slash with Slash!”?
Yeah, that did happen. Pretty funny, huh?

You’re a big fan of rugby league, and on your Facebook the other day you posted: “Dragons eat Roosters”. That’s an inflammatory statement.
Ha ha! I know, and I knew when I was writing it, but it was such an awesome game. Anyway, the Dragons did kick ass.

You got a bunch of different singers for your new album: Ozzy Osbourne, Chris Cornell, Iggy Pop, Lemmy, The Cult’s Ian Astbury, etc. How come?
What can I say? I’m a glutton for punishment. Ha ha! No, what I did was write the music and get the idea of the song together, and then thought who would sound good on it. That was really all that dictated the singer choice throughout the entire record.

Er, but that doesn’t explain why you got Fergie, Kid Rock and that dude with no testicles from Maroon 5 to warble over a few tracks. What the hell were you thinking, Slash?
Well, three years ago, I saw Fergie sing a Zeppelin track live, and she totally blew my mind. We started hanging out, and we shared similar dark stories from our past about chemical abuse and sluttiness etc. We got to be good friends. So I performed with her a bunch of times, doing Sweet Child O’ Mine etc, and she’s just one of the most ace rock singers I have ever worked with. So that’s why. As for Bobby (aka Kid Rock), he’s just awesome, dude. And Adam Levine was the right guy for that particular song. Plus, he gets laid more than most guys that you know, man. He’s a real womaniser, that guy. Ha ha!

Did Fergie suffer any accidental incontinence during her takes?
No. Although, when I was deciding what to call the album, I almost went with Slash Fiction [a type of fan-created fiction where key characters from popular film or literature are rewritten to have a gay romance], so I thought about getting Fergie and my wife [Perla Ferrar] making out on the cover. Unfortunately, I never presented that idea to them...

Shame. Love the instrumental track with Dave Grohl on drums — but what’s up, didn’t Dave want to sing?
Some guys just don’t like to put their vocals on other people’s material — it makes them feel really uncomfortable, and I respect that. So ’cos Dave is a really good f**king friend and one of the best drummers around, I thought, “F**k it, let’s just make an instrumental out of it.”

Ever consider asking Axl Rose if he wanted to bust sick over a track?
Ha ha! The thought crossed my mind — how could it not? But, umm… it was
a passing thought only.

Here’s some other singers we reckon you should have got:

Faith No More’s Mike Patton?
Oh man, Mike’s great. If there’d been a song that suited him, I would’ve asked, but there wasn’t. Same as the Chili Peppers’ Anthony Kiedis — we talked about it, but I didn’t have anything right.

Pantera’s Phil Anselmo?
No, didn’t cross my mind at all.

The Black Crowes’ Chris Robinson?
Actually, I presented a song to Chris, but he thought it was just a tad too “hard rock”.

And lastly, Justin Bieber?
Ha ha! No, man, I don’t think so.

Bummer. Guess you were pissed off that little castrati and his fringe stole your paparazzi thunder coming off the plane at Sydney airport?
Ha ha, that’s actually not true! He got there before me, so all the paparazzi were already there. They were like: “Oh well, might as well hang around ’til Slash comes through.”

So you’ve been consigned to a mere after-thought these days?
Yeah, totally.

Did you consider throttling Bieber mid-flight when the lights went out? Or did you two stay up all night and shoot heroin and JD together?
Yeah, rrright... all the time, man. No, I’ve met him and he’s a nice enough little guy. He looks about eight in real life. I did try to get him to come to a strip bar with me once, though.

Nice. Are you sick of people asking about a Guns N’ Roses reunion?
It’s a double-edged sword. It’s both annoying and it’s flattering. Annoying because it’s the same redundant question over and over again, which can be a little taxing, obviously. But, at the same time, the fascination with a band that hasn’t been together, really, for over 15 years is testament to how great the band was.

You’ve been particularly gracious about Chinese Democracy, giving Axl credit for making an amazing album — but why do you think it wasn’t critically well-received?
Listening to it, from a purely musical perspective as an ex-band member, it really is the ultimate Axl record — he sings great, the songs all come from a very human, emotional place, and I think it’s great. But I can understand the discord with a lot of fans. If it had been sold as Axl’s solo record, it would have been regarded as pure genius, but I think when people hear the name Guns N’ Roses, they automatically expect the original members and can’t accept that the name now means something else — that’s where a lot of the negative stuff comes from.

You’re the flagship character on the new Guitar Hero. So, do you play with yourself often, Slash?
Ha ha… let’s see. I’m trying to think of a witty way to answer that, but it’s not coming.

You and Michael Jackson were mates, but would you have left your kids at Neverland Ranch for a sleep-over?
Umm... I like to think everything would’ve been fine, but I don’t know…

Do you still have a pacemaker in your chest that conks out when you get excited?
I do. What happened is that, because I neglected to tell them that my heart rate goes f**king tenfold when I go out onstage, the thing went crazy and I thought I was having a heart attack. To fix it, they simply had to turn it up to 11.

So, basically the same setting as your Marshall, then? Mind taking it out so we can have a look?
Er, no. That would take a good couple of hours in surgery. And I would die.

So it’s just like Tony Stark’s from Iron Man, then?
Kinda. Much smaller. Less obvious.

You and Velvet Revolver have struggled to find a new singer, so why not poach a great Aussie one?
Actually, one of the guys I’m looking at right now is from Australia — so there you go, in your face, ha ha! I’m not going to name any names, but he’s definitely one of the guys in the running.

Myles Kennedy is your touring singer for the new solo album. He also sings for Alterbridge. Which is like Creed, except with a different singer. Creed are famous God botherers. Which all means... you’re coming close to being in a Christian rock band. How’s that sit with you? Have you accepted the Lord Jesus Christ into your heart?
Ha ha! The funny thing is, when I first hooked up with Myles, I had to beat around the bush to find out if he was religious. But it turns out it was just Scott Stapp [Creed’s singer] who was the gung-ho Christian, and a poseur at that. As for accepting Jesus as my saviour, no — I don’t expect to get saved by Him or anyone else for that matter.

We hear you go to bed really early nowadays, while your wife Perla is the crazy one who goes out all night to strip clubs. You married well, Slash.
Oh yeah, I’m smart. When she and I first hooked up, she gave me a run for my f**king money — we were the Sid and Nancy of the ’90s. Crazy. But now I’m more responsible, taking care of the music. She goes to all the strip clubs, picks up the girls, while I kick back and wait for her to come home. It’s great.

Last question: have you ever pulled a rabbit out of your top hat?
No, but I have pulled a snake.

Slash’s new self-titled album is out now though Sony.

He is touring Australia in August (tickets on sale through www.ticketek.com.au).

Slash will also be headlining the amazing line-up at France’s Hellfest, which the one and only ZOO Man will be running amuck at in June. Stay tuned for all his drunken shenanigans in “ZOO Man’s Guide To Hellfest” online and in a future issue of ZOO. Click here to see the full Hellfest line-up. Visit www.hellfest.fr for more details.