Much like your first prostate exam, Valentine’s Day is something us blokes prefer to avoid. Look, don’t get us wrong, we enjoy treating the missus but paying through the nose for flowers, exchanging corny stuffed bears and sparking the dormant-romantic side of our personalities is a pain in the poophole. But to make you look like the Cassanova we know you’re not and to make the day as pleasant as possible for both of you, we’ve got the lowdown on things you should do/avoid this Valentine’s Day.
Don’t forget Valentine’s Day. Listen, as much as you’d wish it didn’t exist, you’d be in more crap than being head-deep in a sewer. So, mark it in your calendars NOW if you hope to get any bed action on this day
Do act blasé about the whole Valentine’s shindig to execute a successful surprise Valentine’s rendezvous somewhere or surprise her with a bunch of flowers. Can’t go wrong
Don’t talk about the ex. It’s as obvious as a dog’s balls but if you’re trying to romance your lady friend, reminiscing about your former flame and what you did with her last Valentine’s Day is not going to go down well. At all.
Do organise something in advance. Your effort can be graded an A+ or a C- but at least do something. It can be a simple home cooked-meal and by “home-cooked” we mean steak and mash (filling yet oh so simple) or booking a classy restaurant or getting some Gold Class tickets to a yawn-inducing chick flick, of course. Oh, and going down to the local pub is OUT. Sorry, fellas.
Don’t give her anything heart-shaped, you’ll look like a clichéd tool and your missus will think it’s lame. Trust us. Better going out for dessert instead.
Do give her a lil’ something, something- whether that be a V-Day card or, for the more romantic out there, a letter. And if you must go down the stuffed bear path, make sure it’s nothing bigger than your hand – that thing does nothing but gain dust, anyway.
Don’t if you want to avoid being labelled a bastard all your life DON’T break up with your girlfriend. Enough said.
ZOO'S GUIDE TO VALENTINES DAY
IN THE SHOWER WITH SUSANNAH
BABE(S) OF THE DAY: BROOKE & ARDINA